I'm kinda bummed broskis. There's some new kids on the block, literally, and as ripped as I am I'll never be able to compete with these little tykes:
This tiny dudeski here was born with a genetic defect, but instead of like webbed toes or an extra testicle or something, he's got totally awesome muscles! On the one hand, I'm like, 'whoa dude, that's awesome, you can out-benchpress people twenty years older than you (though is that really an accomplishment if they're Americans?)', but on the other, when the little dudeski becomes a big broski, how are 'norms' gonna compete with that? This kid will never need a steroid in his life, he's just naturally super buff! It's like being born with racing wheels and winning the 100 meter dash all the time because you're part car!
Whatever, I'm not worried, I'll be totally old by then and the future will give me cyborg parts so we can compete against these 'genejuicers'. I'll still challenge you to an arm wrestling competition any time, little man!
Hell yeah this dude cheers me up after seeing what happened to Jerry:
This bro's livin' the dream! KEEP AT IT DUDE YOU LOOK FUCKIN HOT AS HELL (no homo)!
Shit guys I have some terrible news! Our bro Jerry just sent me back his vacation photos, and I haven't seen him in a while, so I totally wasn't expecting what I saw! Just to put it in perspective for those of you that didn't know Jerry that well:
WHOOOAAAA AM I RIGHT?? Dude Jerry what happened! See, this is what I mean, if you don't keep your eye on the ball you turn into a doughboy in no time flat! I'll bet Jerry started teaming up with his friend Ben the day he was married. I always told him Jasmine was bad for him, that she'd totally take time out of his routine and maybe even make him stop taking his 'supplements'! I can barely bear to look at him anymore, it's too horrifying!
Remember kids, don't let anything get in the way of your dream of pure physical perfection; not your family, not your friends, or women, or your doctor, or even the law! You have to PUSH YOURSELF TO THE EDGE through WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY to achieve that sweet bod!